As it turns out, March 2nd was a HUGE wedding day in Rwanda. Barnabus was at a wedding all day, as was Papa Barn, Mama Barn went to a different one, Hope and Khadijah were at a wedding, my choir was singing at a wedding at the church, AND my coworker, Donald, got married that day. I’m a huge fan of all things wedding-related. I was an avid-watcher of Bride Night on TLC for several years, I follow many wedding pages on Instagram, and of course, I have thought extensively about what I want my own wedding to look like. SO when I have the chance to go to a wedding here, I get very excited. Donald’s wedding was the second one I’ve been to, and now I feel like I can tell you a little bit about what a Rwandan wedding looks like!
First off, there are 3 parts to a Rwandan wedding. The first is the Gusaba. This is a traditional ceremony where the elders from the bride and groom’s family come to negotiate the dowry that the groom is to give the bride’s family in exchange for her hand. I haven’t been to a Gusaba, but from what I gather, the whole thing is like a large comedic performance. When the groom publicly asks for the bride’s hand, her family can say things like, “She is not at home, so she can’t marry you” or “She is too young” “She is too old” or any other manner of excuse until they finally say yes. Then they go on to the dowry. The dowry normally consists of cows, which I think is amazing. Cows are very important to Rwandan culture. As a fun side note, a very high compliment is if someone tells you you have eyes like a baby cow. I was told once that on average, a bride would be worth about 7 cows (I could be wrong). The entire day sounds like a day of merriment.
The second part is the Government ceremony. This is where the bride and groom go to get married in front of the government. If this happens before the church ceremony, then technically, the bride and groom are already married before they go to the church.
The third part is the one that we would be most familiar with in America. The Church ceremony and the reception. I have been to 2 of each, and the ceremonies I went to seemed pretty similar to ones I’ve been to in America, with one large difference. In front of the altar, there is placed 4 chairs, in a square formation. The two closest to the altar are for the bride and groom, and the two chairs behind them are for the maid/matron of honor, and the best man. The rest of the bridal party sits in the pews with everyone else. Through most of the ceremony, the bride and groom remain seated, except when they are actively involved. After the ceremony, everyone leaves the church and pictures are taken before heading to the reception.
And this is where things deviate from what I previously experienced at weddings.* It’s no secret that American receptions are known for 3 things. The music, the food, and the drinks- not necessarily in that order. However, things are a little different with Rwandan receptions. When you walk into a Rwandan reception, you see rows of chairs and a few tables up in the front, closest to the action. The tables are reserved for the family elders, and everyone else gets to take a seat in the rows. The reception starts with the bride and groom walking up to the front, where there is a table with four chairs, again for them and the best man and maid/matron of honor (the rest of the bridal party has been relegated to being staff for the night) and two elders from both sides toast to the union of their families. Then come the speeches from different elders, while the bridal party serves drinks (normally bottles of soda) to the guests. After the toasts, the bride and groom light roman candles on the cake, and cut it (Remind me sometime to tell you guys about how Rwandans cut cake) The cake is then passed out to all guests (again by the bridal party) while music plays and then it’s time for gifts. Group by group, people come to present gifts to the happy couple and then take a photo before it’s the next groups turn. For example, the YWCA staff who attended the wedding presented a gift together for our friend Donald, and his new wife. It’s during the gift-giving that a lot of people leave, or some people stick it out to the end, to say congratulations to the couple and then the event is over!
I hope you find this as interesting as I do. 😊
*This is from my personal experience. I have learned that Janelle and Hope have both been to weddings where there is dancing and a meal. So what do I know.
First off, there are 3 parts to a Rwandan wedding. The first is the Gusaba. This is a traditional ceremony where the elders from the bride and groom’s family come to negotiate the dowry that the groom is to give the bride’s family in exchange for her hand. I haven’t been to a Gusaba, but from what I gather, the whole thing is like a large comedic performance. When the groom publicly asks for the bride’s hand, her family can say things like, “She is not at home, so she can’t marry you” or “She is too young” “She is too old” or any other manner of excuse until they finally say yes. Then they go on to the dowry. The dowry normally consists of cows, which I think is amazing. Cows are very important to Rwandan culture. As a fun side note, a very high compliment is if someone tells you you have eyes like a baby cow. I was told once that on average, a bride would be worth about 7 cows (I could be wrong). The entire day sounds like a day of merriment.
The second part is the Government ceremony. This is where the bride and groom go to get married in front of the government. If this happens before the church ceremony, then technically, the bride and groom are already married before they go to the church.
The third part is the one that we would be most familiar with in America. The Church ceremony and the reception. I have been to 2 of each, and the ceremonies I went to seemed pretty similar to ones I’ve been to in America, with one large difference. In front of the altar, there is placed 4 chairs, in a square formation. The two closest to the altar are for the bride and groom, and the two chairs behind them are for the maid/matron of honor, and the best man. The rest of the bridal party sits in the pews with everyone else. Through most of the ceremony, the bride and groom remain seated, except when they are actively involved. After the ceremony, everyone leaves the church and pictures are taken before heading to the reception.
And this is where things deviate from what I previously experienced at weddings.* It’s no secret that American receptions are known for 3 things. The music, the food, and the drinks- not necessarily in that order. However, things are a little different with Rwandan receptions. When you walk into a Rwandan reception, you see rows of chairs and a few tables up in the front, closest to the action. The tables are reserved for the family elders, and everyone else gets to take a seat in the rows. The reception starts with the bride and groom walking up to the front, where there is a table with four chairs, again for them and the best man and maid/matron of honor (the rest of the bridal party has been relegated to being staff for the night) and two elders from both sides toast to the union of their families. Then come the speeches from different elders, while the bridal party serves drinks (normally bottles of soda) to the guests. After the toasts, the bride and groom light roman candles on the cake, and cut it (Remind me sometime to tell you guys about how Rwandans cut cake) The cake is then passed out to all guests (again by the bridal party) while music plays and then it’s time for gifts. Group by group, people come to present gifts to the happy couple and then take a photo before it’s the next groups turn. For example, the YWCA staff who attended the wedding presented a gift together for our friend Donald, and his new wife. It’s during the gift-giving that a lot of people leave, or some people stick it out to the end, to say congratulations to the couple and then the event is over!
I hope you find this as interesting as I do. 😊
*This is from my personal experience. I have learned that Janelle and Hope have both been to weddings where there is dancing and a meal. So what do I know.