During orientation in Chicago, we all read a beautiful poem entitled Passover Remembered by Alla Bozarth Campbell.
In this poem, there are a few lines that have stuck with me over the past few months, and some lines truly haunt me. Here are those lines.
“Some of you will be so changed by weathers and wanderings that even your closest friends will have to learn your features as though for the first time.
Some of you will not change at all.
Some will be abandoned by you dearest loves and misunderstood by those who have known you since birth who feel abandoned by you.
Some will find new friends in unlikely faces, and old true friends as faithful and true as the pillar of God’s flame."
I mean, hit me where it hurts. Throughout my life, with few exceptions, I have had a constant influx of friends. Not too many have stuck around for more than a couple of years, which has given me a lot of anxiety surrounding relationships in general. I have only been gone for about 4 months – with another 7 to go – and already I am concerned about what my relationships will be like when I return. I know that it will be almost impossible for someone to completely understand my experiences in this wonderful country, but does that mean that I will be abandoned by those that I have once called ‘friend’? Will I change so much that the qualities my friends admired in me will be gone? Or will different qualities of my friends no longer seem endearing to me, but irritating?
However, those anxieties aside, I think what scares me the most is the line “Some of you will not change at all”. I believe the greatest disservice I could do to myself is to go back to my life, exactly as it was before. Go back to Disney, engage in mass consumerism, use all the water in the world for a simple shower, without a thought to the incredible people I have met and the life that I have made here in Kigali. I’d like to think that I have been changed very much for the better in my short time here in my community, and I hope that I don’t lose who I am now, my memories, my stories, or my experiences. The poem ends like this,
“Remain true to the mystery.
Pass on the whole story.
Do not go back.
I am with you now and I am waiting for you.”
I ask for support for all of these anxieties. Support in reminding me that I have many friends who care about me, support when I come home that I will not leave my life here completely behind. Most importantly, I ask for support in passing on my story and the stories of those I have met on the way. I have the feeling they have the power to not only change me, but many others as well.
Below is the entire poem. Give it a read!
In this poem, there are a few lines that have stuck with me over the past few months, and some lines truly haunt me. Here are those lines.
“Some of you will be so changed by weathers and wanderings that even your closest friends will have to learn your features as though for the first time.
Some of you will not change at all.
Some will be abandoned by you dearest loves and misunderstood by those who have known you since birth who feel abandoned by you.
Some will find new friends in unlikely faces, and old true friends as faithful and true as the pillar of God’s flame."
I mean, hit me where it hurts. Throughout my life, with few exceptions, I have had a constant influx of friends. Not too many have stuck around for more than a couple of years, which has given me a lot of anxiety surrounding relationships in general. I have only been gone for about 4 months – with another 7 to go – and already I am concerned about what my relationships will be like when I return. I know that it will be almost impossible for someone to completely understand my experiences in this wonderful country, but does that mean that I will be abandoned by those that I have once called ‘friend’? Will I change so much that the qualities my friends admired in me will be gone? Or will different qualities of my friends no longer seem endearing to me, but irritating?
However, those anxieties aside, I think what scares me the most is the line “Some of you will not change at all”. I believe the greatest disservice I could do to myself is to go back to my life, exactly as it was before. Go back to Disney, engage in mass consumerism, use all the water in the world for a simple shower, without a thought to the incredible people I have met and the life that I have made here in Kigali. I’d like to think that I have been changed very much for the better in my short time here in my community, and I hope that I don’t lose who I am now, my memories, my stories, or my experiences. The poem ends like this,
“Remain true to the mystery.
Pass on the whole story.
Do not go back.
I am with you now and I am waiting for you.”
I ask for support for all of these anxieties. Support in reminding me that I have many friends who care about me, support when I come home that I will not leave my life here completely behind. Most importantly, I ask for support in passing on my story and the stories of those I have met on the way. I have the feeling they have the power to not only change me, but many others as well.
Below is the entire poem. Give it a read!